With one foot in the preschool years and one trailing behind in toddlerland. A blog about my life, daily goings on, my children, and what is important to me. Feel free to comment! I love a good discussion and new friends.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Unfocused

I am just sad today and I can't seem to think clearly or be able to focus on much at all. It has been a while since I have written in this blog. I don't know why. Life. 5-6 children. Life.

Today I need to just be able to throw out into the blogosphere my worry and frustration and sadness and not have to read anyone's expression or have them placate me. . .

Yesterday I was so happy. Ecstatic actually. We finally have an adoption date for DJ. May 19 he will officially become my son. After a year and 2 months of being cautious, not thinking in terms of forever, being realistic, I was finally given the okay to dream. . . and dream I did. My son will be a beautiful, tall, polite, charming boy and then he will grow into a talented, intelligent, sensitive man that knows how to treat women well and LOVES his mama of course. You know those kinds of dreams and then. . .

I found out that his sibling, who has been adopted by another family, has Prader-Willi, and I began to research Prader-Willi and it is describing my DJ. My heart is breaking. I'm currently calling the local children's hospital to set up an appointment for genetic testing. I'm praying that I'm wrong and that he is just delayed in walking and speech for other reasons and that his low muscle tone and other characteristics are not related to Prader-Willi but I'm afraid. I don't want him to struggle his whole life. I don't want to have to modify my dreams for him. I want my happy, beautiful boy to not be labeled his whole life.

My first step, after I finally get of hold with the pediatrician's office, is to talk to his siblings adoptive family. I hope they can give me some insight into her diagnosis and what she was like as an infant. If he does indeed have Prader-Willi he will need a lot of support . . . and so will I.